From accountability to integrity

I went through a shift that helped a LOT with my more self-destructive tendencies.

A mental reframe that wasn't easy to make, but overall is relatively simple and certainly profound.

And that was...

Shifting from accountability to integrity.

Let me explain:

Accountability is relying on some external resource or person to hold you to your word.

And it's a powerful practice.

But for me, it felt like it left something to be desired.

So I shifted into working on my integrity.

Which I define as doing what I know and feel to be right, regardless of who finds out or knows about it. Because deep down, I know what I do or don't do, and my first concern is my relationship with myself, my actions, and my ability to stay aligned with what I know is right for me.

It's not that there aren't sources of accountability in my life still.

There are, they just aren't the first line of defense anymore.

My first line of defense is a die-hard desire to do what's good and right for myself, and to hold myself to a standard of integrity and alignment that makes me feel good about who I was that day and how I'm showing up in the endeavors that matter to me. That lets me sleep well at night knowing I'm doing right by myself and my loved ones.

And this is a powerful shift.

If you can start thinking of yourself as "above" certain behaviors, not from a moralistic or judgmental-of-others place but rather on a personal level where you just view that behavior as below your baseline level of dignity and self-respect, it helps a lot with making that identity-level shift into the kind of guy who just doesn't do that shit anymore.

"That shit" being anything from drinking too much, binging video games, or watching porn.

The latter being extremely hard to quit, for some guys.

Like myself.

Took literally years of consistent, dedicated effort.

But the benefit of my soul-sucking struggle is I learned a lot that I've been able to condense into a 60-day process that helps men quit porn for good by developing the internal self-respect, dignity, and identity-level change that helps them simply quit and never go back. It's worked for 140+ other guys, and it can work for you too.

So if you're struggling on your own, maybe it's time to try something different.