How to be a better father

If you're a father, or want to be one someday, this is written with you in mind.

Yesterday I had an awesome conversation about fatherhood.

About how easy it is to get irritated with your kids, to subtly resent them, to distance yourself from them because you're having a hard time handling the antics that all kids have...

(Which is, to say the least, an uncomfortable truth to recognize. But hey, there it is.)

Yet... what if I told you it didn't have to be that way?

I was talking with one of my clients, who's been diligently working on healing his dopamine reward center from years of high-stimulation abuse at the hands of an escapism-filled lifestyle fueled by the stresses of work and family obligations. Habits that had been deeply ingrained into him since his teenage years, and 25+ years later, have warranted a more critical eye.

He's currently about 1 month clean from all porn, masturbation, and fantasy.

And what came up in our conversation was definitely worth sharing.

Because he's already noticed, just 1 month into a brain-healing process that takes a few months to see through to completion, that his tolerance with his family is increasing.

He's not getting irritated with his wife as easily. He's able to handle his children's child-like (wow, kids acting like kids?) antics with more grace, empathy, and understanding. After years of worrying about not being the kind of father he really wanted to be, and deep down knew he could be, he's finally noticing himself shifting into the kind of fatherhood he wants to exhibit.

Specifically:

Being the kind of father who's grounded and emotionally stable. Who's present with his kids. Who's proactive instead of reactive. Who doesn't resent the little things, like having to pick up toys off the floor, but instead just does it with love and understanding. The kind of father who's setting a good example not just consciously, but unconsciously too (because we know that kids absorb everything in their environments, not just what we tell them... they pick up on the entire energy field around them.)

And what's amazing about this?

He's not alone.

I often work with both single and coupled men, in roughly even proportions (because funny enough, compulsive sexuality really doesn't discriminate between men in relationships or not...)

And as such, I've helped easily 60+ fathers quit porn over the past nearly 5 years, and...

Every single one of them noticed this same dynamic playing out! That they had increased resilience and tolerance to their children, were more grounded with their wives, and that the feeling of harmony and alignment within their household generally improved massively. Which is one of those strange, almost-unexplainable effects that most people would never think could possibly come from quitting porn... Although when you understand the way that an unhealthy dopamine reward center effects your emotional stability, it's actually not surprising, and most people just don't understand what's actually happening in their brain/body...

Truth is, it's simply not possible to be the kind of father or husband we truly want to be if our dopamine reward center and consequently, mental and emotional and neurological health, are thrown out of whack by something like compulsive porn and masturbation.

But I digress.

This is a dynamic that has happened...

Every. Single. Time. Without. Fail.

Every father who successfully quits porn notices that his relationship with his family improves.

And in my humble yet experienced opinion, this is one of the better reasons to get your shit together and actually, truly, finally quit this crap once and for all.

Which is what I'm here to help facilitate.