You can't outsource integrity

Was chatting with a client the other day.

He told me about this dynamic he's been falling into...

And even though it was a serious topic, I couldn't help but smile.

Because I used to get caught in the same damned web.

He's used a screen-monitoring accountability software to help him stay clean from porn over the past few years, but it hasn't really worked. It literally takes screenshots on your device and uses AI to scan them for explicit content. Something I tried once upon a time, too. But what both him and a previous version of me used to do... was flip back and forth between the internet, and the accountability feed, to see if the AI had picked up on anything. Turning it into a game of "what can I get away with before it sends a notification to my partner?"

Which is ridiculous, right?

Because that software is supposed to be helping you stay clean.

But instead you're playing with ways of fooling it so you can keep indulging.

Which is where we encounter a subtle, but very important dynamic.

One that I learned the hard way:

You can't outsource integrity.

... and when you try to outsource your decision-making to an application or an accountability partner, instead of learning how to make good decisions from within yourself, you actually further weaken your own decision-making and impulse-control muscles.

To get clean and not need outside accountability or web blockers anymore, that's where I put my focus.

On learning impulse control.

Learning how to take back control of my mind when it tries to "buck" and wants to do something self-destructive.

Developing healthier tools for coping with life's myriad discomforts.

And relying on my own internal sense of what's good and right for me.

Not relying on whether my accountability partner will or won't find out.

Don't get me wrong.

Accountability is an extremely powerful tool.

A lot of guys just aren't using it right.

It should be paired with doing the deeper work that's necessary to truly stay clean, from within, over the long-term. Accountability should not be viewed as a solution in and of itself. It should be complimentary, and temporary, until you get your legs under you fully.

Which is where my 1-on-1 recovery practice shines.

Because I'm not just going to give you accountability.

I'm going to give you concrete, step-by-step, crystal clear actions you'll be taking, and that I'll be holding you to, to create deeper changes within your psyche and your literal neurological wiring so that the entire way you think about and perceive pornography fundamentally changes, and you naturally find yourself not wanting it anymore and never even want to go back to old ways.

That way you won't need me anymore.

And can just move on with your life.