Happy wife, happy life?

Women are programmed to respect and admire strength, stability, and congruence.

So when our actions don't align with our words, when we're low energy and miserable, when we're emotionally reactive and distant... her respect and admiration drops. Multiply that out over the course of years and you've got tension, arguments, a rift between you, and a dead bedroom. Because respect and admiration are almost a prerequisite for her to feel turned on and receptive.

There are a lot of guys out there with what I term "loserthink."

As the man in the relationship, we should never blame her for the lack of intimacy.

Much of the direction and leadership, much of what happens within the relationship (or doesn't happen) comes from us.

Or at least it should.

So rather than blaming her, the better move is to start wondering what needs to happen for her to feel open and receptive to you again.

Where are you falling short?

Where are you out of integrity or alignment?

Where are you wasting time, energy, attention, and love that could be better directed towards her?

When you work on fixing yourself, on being a better man who's acting in alignment with his better values and his integrity... well, it's surprising how much things can change.

Like they did for my client Tim (shared with his permission..), who quit porn and got his shit together in a big way. Dropped 50+ pounds. Massively progressed his finances. Re-connected with his confidence. Started having the difficult conversations that needed to happen. Became a more present father. And as a result, went from over a year of living in a "dead bedroom" situation with a wife who was basically a roommate and with talks of divorce... to the happiest their marriage has ever been and rocking her world several times every week.

Does his wife still have her problems?

Yep.

But he wasn't trying to change her.

He focused on changing himself, and then his relationship with his wife "miraculously" changed too.

(Plus, he's inspired her *by example *to make some of her own positive changes, too!)