What is integrated masculinity?

Integrated masculinity.

There's a concept worth considering.

When I think of it, I think of not just the obvious elements of masculinity that most people are familiar with - discipline, living with purpose, leadership, and all that. Those qualities are massively important, of course. But they aren't necessarily the mark of a man who's done the deeper inner work. Who's taken a look inside of himself, bravely looked behind the curtains and gotten to know the shadows within his own mind. It's a different kind of self-work to get to know your inner world that way.

More specifically:

In our culture men are taught (both implicitly and sometimes explicitly) to stuff down their emotions, be "hard", suck it up, just do it anyways. And heck, there may even be some wisdom in some of that. But at the same time, the perpetuation of those kinds of ideas has led to generations of men who are emotionally shut down. Smart guys who are well-educated, successful in many ways, have families... but also have the EQ (like IQ, except for emotional intelligence) of a teenager and never quite grow out of that phase.

Men simply aren't taught how to deal with their feelings, how to develop emotional intelligence.

And this is a dynamic that invariably leads them into the cold, empty clutches of self-destructive escapism to cope because they don't know any other way.

So they numb their stress from work with booze, weed, porn, video games, netflix, and whatever else they can get their hands on. But then by overconsuming these things, they create additional problems in their lives. Their energy is low, passion is lacking, mental clarity is down, and they're just "getting by" but never truly thriving. Their wives can feel that they're disconnected, uninterested. Their family suffers from their lack of presence. But hey, no one ever taught them a better way and they're just trying to survive and handle the myriad of stressors present in every man's life. Who can blame them? It ain't easy, especially when you have others relying on you. Suck it up, king, and just keep pushing. Right?

Truth is, a king can't be a good king if he's not in a good place himself.

When he's suffering, everyone and everything around him suffers too in subtle ways.

And so?

For the integrated man, emotional intelligence isn't an option.

It's a necessity, because it's part of leading his kingdom effectively.

He can't be running away from shit.

He can't be lacking clarity.

He needs to be on the ball.

And the way that happens is learning new coping mechanisms. Healthier ones. Things that allow him to actually process, consciously, and release whatever shit is weighing him down inside in ways that won't make tomorrow worse but instead actually make it better. One of the worst things we can do when we're having a bad day is cope with it in ways that will make tomorrow worse... but that's exactly what most people do with booze, porn, etc.

So if you want to put yourself on a better track?

One where your bad habits aren't ruling you anymore, and you're fully in control?

Recognize that those habits stem from a place of escapism, and in a nutshell, a huge part of the solution is to stop running and face down whatever it is with bravery. And if that sounds cheesy, so be it, but it does take a certain amount of bravery. Most people will just run from their own reflection forever.

But that's not the way to become a well-integrated, well-rounded man who's living intentionally and leading effectively.

Food for thought.

More:

It's not an easy journey. But it's a lot easier when you aren't guessing. Which is why I've completely systemized this process in the Magnetic Man Method - my framework for helping men quit porn, take control of bad habits, rewire their brains, and become the kind of men who are naturally progressing towards what they want in life, love, and business.

Take the right steps and heal your brain, and you can't help but succeed.