If you don't know your purpose, read this

Had an awesome chat with one of my clients yesterday.

He's about 1.5 months clean from porn and masturbation. Totally crushing every step of my process. Recently "reconnected" with his wife. And is already experiencing many fruits from getting clean just a few weeks into a process that has completely shifted his trajectory, and where he'll end up in life, for many years to come.

And one thing that came up was planning for the future.

Specifically:

He wants to make a career change at some point. To build something of his own, where he's feeling more fulfilled in his work, and ideally has more control over his time and lifestyle too. And this vision is starting to come in more and more clearly for him. He's known that he wanted (or needed) to make a change for a while, but didn't know how he'd make it happen. It always felt overwhelming, far away, and there was a total lack of clarity there that made progress basically impossible.

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... which makes a lot of sense.

Let's let science explain:

There was an interesting study about time-horizons done on addicts, with a control group of non-addicts. And in this study they asked the non-addicts about their plans for the future. Almost universally, the non-addicts described their plans for the next 2-5 years of their lives. Things like finishing school, getting a different job, career advancements, buying a house, starting a relationship, getting married, that sort of "bigger picture" stuff.

Then they asked the addicts about their plans.

And the result was very different.

The people who had a active addictions in their lives universally answered on a much shorter time-frame. Instead of years, they spoke about weeks. Talking about their plans for the next 1-3 weeks, what they'd do in the very near future... with none of them really planning for the long-haul.

Which illustrates an interesting, super important point:

An active addiction shortens your brain's time-horizon.

In other words, when you're in this mode of chasing low-value, quick hits of dopamine... your brain becomes trained to go after more easy, quick hits, which are inherently on a shorter timeline. Your brain loses the will and the capacity to truly think on a longer-term, more purpose-driven, delayed gratification time horizon because that's just not what it's programmed to do anymore.

It's like you're stuck in a ditch and can't really see out beyond the rim of it.

You literally just can't plan for the future as effectively.

And what's crazy is that guys often don't even realize they have an active addiction in their lives. For example, the client I mentioned above? When we first spoke, porn and masturbation were presented as "probably not a huge issue, but one piece of a bigger puzzle" - which, fair enough, is probably partially true. We're complex creatures composed of complex systems and there's rarely just one thing out of whack when we aren't feeling right.

But I digress.

I didn't push the issue because I could relate. I didn't think it was a huge issue for me, either, back in the day. Except that when I tried to stop, I found I really couldn't, which woke me up a bit. Truth is, that many of us have "sleeping" active addictions in our lives... things that we aren't even really aware are an addiction, but that are holding us back nonetheless...

Anyways, we began working together to help him fix his escapism tendencies, heal his brain, and be able to finally move on with his life.

And what he's experiencing currently?

It's a natural result of his brain healing after quitting that crap.

He's not-quite-effortlessly, but very naturally, beginning to think about and focus more on his future. On what he wants to build, and where he wants to go. It doesn't feel so big, overwhelming, or impossible anymore. He's starting to see how to take steps towards it, and gaining confidence in his ability to achieve it.

So if you don't quite know where you're going, or how to get what you want, and it feels overwhelming...

My recommendation is to start by focusing on healing your dopamine reward center from the overstimulation it's been going through. Whether it's from porn, masturbation, excessive video games, hours of scrolling, or whatever else... although not all things are equal, and porn and masturbation are the worst by far for most guys... the dynamic is roughly the same. And when you heal your brain by fixing the offending behaviors, it's surprising how much your relationship with your own thoughts, motivation, and ambition can change.

This is a worthy endeavor.

One that will serve you for the rest of your years.

Because this highly overstimulating world we live in ain't going anywhere, and it's actively getting worse. So best you learn how to take control sooner rather than later.