The gap between theory and reality

It's entirely too possible to know what you want, who you want to be, and what the right thing to do is... and yet fall miserably short on actually doing it. A man wants to be an awesome father, but then spends so much time working or numbing his stress that he's not present. He wants to be a better lover, but that spark he once felt with his wife has died. He wants to live a healthier lifestyle, and yet the sweet allure of junkfood and Netflix keep pulling him deeper into sedentary, unhealthy complacency.

What do these things have in common?

Dopamine.

I'll explain:

When a man's baseline needs for dopamine are artificially jacked up because of the high-stimulation, low-value behaviors he's allowed to take root in his lifestyle (or that maybe he's never even been in control of in the first place...) a few things happen.

His mental clarity becomes foggy.

His decision-making is compromised.

Impulse control takes a turn for the worse.

🧠 Dopamine Explained
Learn how porn hijacks your brain's reward system through dopamine and why this makes quitting so challenging.

He becomes less interested in the things that he used to enjoy, like spending quality time with his family, making moves on his wife and making her feel desired and loved, spending time with friends, or exercising.. Because his brain has been trained to want easy, highly stimulating crap instead of the comparatively less stimulating (but more fulfilling) substance of the real world.

And so we end up in a sad place:

A man who wants to be better than he's being, who knows he has greater potential, but is having his strings pulled by impulses he's not even sure how to control. And those impulses, partially against his will, continually pull him further away from the happiness he says he wants.

It's not possible to be your "best you" while your brain is on the high-dopamine hamster wheel. And there's no part of the trap more destructive than porn, which studies show has the same sort of cognitively damaging impact on the brain as hard drugs like cocaine and heroin. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not - it's insane that it's normalized the way it is.

Which is why quitting is such a smart move.

Frankly, it's the modern man's rite-of-passage.

It's part of moving forward into healthy, fully integrated, aligned and intentional manhood... instead of just following every impulse that pops into his brain.

Download the BeFree App today and start closing the gap between who you want to be and who you are.