The non-linear nature of growth

One of my guys told me something hilarious he saw on IG the other day.

A post with a guy saying:

"If I made healing, I would've done it so much better. I would've made it linear!"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and he was right there with me. If you've been in the world of self improvement for a while, you'll know from experience that it's anything but linear. There are so many ups and downs it can make your head spin. It's funny because as humans who experience time, and many other things, in a linear fashion… We often can expect our growth and healing to be linear too.

🧠 Embracing the Journey
Discover how developing a growth mindset can transform setbacks into valuable learning opportunities on your recovery path.

And if I could snap my fingers and make healing linear, I would.

Yet it just doesn't work that way.

It's not possible.

It's always a bit of a rollercoaster.

One day you'll be feeling solid, happy with your progress, and everything feels like it's just going so well. Then the next day, or week, or whatever… something happens, and it feels like everything's gone to shyt. Jump forward a little while and they're going pretty well again.

It's when you zoom out and look at the bigger picture that you can see you've been trending in the right direction the whole time.

But when you're just living your day-to-day, it's very easy to forget to take stock of the bigger picture.

So this Friday, I wanted to give you a gentle reminder to do exactly that:

Zoom out.

Review the progress you've made over the past year or two or five.

Recognize how much of it has been non-linear, and yet has still contributed to your growth and led you to where and who you are currently. You're probably doing better than you often recognize.

That said, sometimes when we take stock like this…

Well, you might realize that certain areas genuinely haven't made the kind of progress you want them to.

Such was the case for me when I "wanted" to quit porn for years, but I wasn't really committed to it and wasn't putting in the appropriate effort. It was always a goal for me to quit, but I kept going back to it over and over. My bedroom intimacy issues persisted, my energy was lower than it should've been, and I just wasn't living up to my potential as a man. Yet for some reason I was spinning my wheels and going in circles.

It wasn't until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired that things changed.

I decided to go scorched earth on it, hire competent help, and do the work to put the issue to bed.

Thanks to finally getting pissed and swallowing my pride, I finally quit in late summer of 2020 and then, inspired by my own transformation and also the people who helped me fix it… began sharing that gift with others too in 2021.

And as of 2025, I've helped over 130 men quit porn the right way in my private practice.

I've refined the Magnetic Man Method into an airtight system to help any committed man quit, and quickly, without relying on the conventional advice like relying on willpower, web blockers, "finding a gf," or even needing accountability forever.

Instead we focus on the deeper issues.

The root of the problem:

Which lies in aligning with the better parts of your nature as a man, developing the right skillsets for self control and self-mastery, meeting your unmet needs and desires, and doing the internal work that makes sure you never even want to go back to that shyt. Period.

If you've been spinning your wheels like I was, eventually you'll have to do something different if you want to be able to move on from that chapter of "trying to quit" and turn it into "have quit."

Download the BeFree App today and start transforming your non-linear journey into consistent progress.